I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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