I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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