so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
