I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
