i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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