He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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