Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
