We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
