He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
