Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize