My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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