cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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