my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
