We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
