I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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