I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
