My cat gives me a boner
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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