When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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