I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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