He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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