Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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