Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
