Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
