You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
