are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
