If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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