White coat. Heels.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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