I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
