Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
