there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
