I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
