But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
