I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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