how can u be prego again
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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