my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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