The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
