After last night, I could never be a politician.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
