I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
