youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
