everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
