I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
