My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
