"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
