Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
