This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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