Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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