I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
did you just send me my own nude
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
