No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
