i permit you to call me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
