when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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