ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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