Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
