My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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