I wanna bring you to show and tell
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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