and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
