I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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