Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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