That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
