Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
