Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize