we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
