There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
