Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's always time for handjobs
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
