I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
