I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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