goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
