the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize