alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
