I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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