don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
