Got a toothbrush?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
