Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
