also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
so much tequila, so little girl.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
