It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize