why didn't you poke me back
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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