So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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