literally had 100 drinks last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
