i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize