you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
