margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
