I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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