Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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