literally had 100 drinks last night.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
