Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
