so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
