I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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