her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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