If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
