I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
