I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
