Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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