He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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