That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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