i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
