I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
