she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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