I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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