are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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